They know their’s is not a fairytale ending...

The silence of the night was ripped with their heartbeat…

Was it the ground trembling or a strange quiver under their feet?

He asked her the question with a lovingly longing heart…

He wanted to be with her till death do them apart…

Her soul shouted submission but she hesitated to voice it…

She wasn’t meant to fall in love with him…how could she rejoice it?

‘Dis world will not give our love a social reception’ she thought...

The moonlight patiently waited when her mind was in such tangles caught…

Slowly, the morning unfolded itself with trackless serendipities grounded in light…

She felt a strange burst of joy when she uttered a “yes” blanketed in fright…

Thus, they set out on a journey down love lanes mysteriously winding…

Even though they knew their’s would not be a fairytale ending….

Calendars they have flipped and miles they have traversed,

Love is now a language in which they are well versed…

They have lived moments of joy and preserved moments of sorrow…

They have relished moments to lend and museumed moments to borrow…

They live each day, each moment with each other as a lifetime…

Coz their heart cocoons the thought that they have no tomorrow…

They flippantly wail that their love comes with an expiration date…

But have thoughtfully accepted it and not melodramatically questioned their fate…

Their reasons for parting ways to the world they cannot explain...

Tribute to their love, they promise to move on despite the pang of pain…

A boundary-less world is what they dream of, where they can forever unite…

They live each day of this life with that another life in sight…

Each fact of their story is stranger than fiction…

They know of the pain yet amorously craft its affliction…

They halt, look back, reflect and their exhilarating journey they cherish…

They celebrate their triumph that their odd love they didn’t let perish…

They walk on deeper in the meanders of love, not on their future depending….

Even though they know their’s is not a fairytale ending…

WORDS!!!

A blank sheet of paper

Stares at me,forlorn and dejected

To be given a name, and identity

Before being abandoned and rejected

And joining the others which had a similar fate before

and now lie defaced and crumpled all over the floor.

The pen that lies beneath

Is the same that took a drunken stroll

Top and bottom, left and right

On what is now a torn paper ball.

It waits, and I struggle

To pick it up n and write

The suitable syllables, the apt letter...

But words and me seem to have had a fight.

Ah words!My disloyal friends...

They always desert me in times of need.

Like shadows in the dark they leave me alone

Struggling, speechless, left to plead.

As silence digs deep its claws on me

Piercing my soul, intensity unabated...

Yet another overwhelming moment 

Passes by-wordless, unrecorded.

It's the same old game today as well

I wanna say it but dunno how to tell.

No permutation of letters seems to capture

The blankness that on this sheet and my mind does dwell

I stare back at the sheet staring at me

And then at the pen lying at the side

I shut my eyes and take a deep breath

I muster all my courage...and, I decide.

My mind is a myriad of emotions and thoughts 

but I am begging for words to capture their essence

I decide to preserve the chastity of this emptiness...

and leave it blank for the reader to derive any sense

Afterall,sometimes words can say a lot.

Even by the virtue of their sheer absence.....

A to Z of 2010….the year that was….

A-Another chapter in life…It was bye bye to college and books and hello o a new job…Life took a new turn in 2010…

B- Bombay rains…Had heard a lot about it…experienced it for the first time…Days together of tip tip baarish, water clogged roads, difficulty to get transport, reaching office drenched, clothes refusing to dry…but sigh!!!The rains are beautiful…

C- Credit Card…Silly as it may sound that I am writing it here, but yes 2010 gave me my first Credit card.

D- Dosti…Wouldn’t say 2010 gave me dosti but yes it strengthened my belief in the magical powers of friendship. Thank you to all my friends who have helped my hold on to my sanity in this year which has constantly tried to inject volumes to madness into my blood.

E- Enhanced sense of maturity…Now that the student phase of life is over…suddenly the maturity meter in me seems to have taken a full throttle.

F-Farewell to IBS…A tough thing to bid adieu to the place which had been my home away from home for 2 years and given me friendships which I’ll cherish for a lifetime. The lessons I have learnt there are not the chapters of the various textbooks but the chapters of the subject called LIFE.

G-Ghar ghrihasti ka kaam kaaj…Getting up for the maid, cooking lunch, washing clothes, doing grocery shopping and the like…hello life…

H- Happy 25…My parents celebrated 25 blissful years of marriage this year. Glad I could make it to Lucknow for the big day…celebrations, blessings and smiles galore…loved the moment…

I-Income Tax…Hated it as a subject in graduation...hate it now when I have to rack my brains on what to do with my money so as to pay less tax…first year of tax planning…

J-J P Morgan Chase…My first Job as a Financial Analyst in JP Morgan…Hard work through the years seemed to have paid off.

K- Kaala Khatta…Got to enjoy my favorite Baraf ka Gola in Mumbai…Juhu beach, after 14 years…brought back memories of childhood.

L-Local trains…When in Mumbai…you just can’t miss this one…In my third week in Mumbai…I gathered the courage to step into the crowded lifeline of the city…I got down at my station with ruffled hair, a missing earring, broken earphones and a twisted ankle…Now I say that’s the best way to travel in the city.

M-Mumbai…came to this city after a gap of 14 years; chasing my dreams…at first I thought I’d lose myself to the bewildering pace and pulse of the place but 10 months down the line…I seem to managed to find a footing here.

N- Nothing is impossible…Situations inexplicable have hit me on my face…yet I have managed to bounce back each time and here I am today strong as never before..so yes..impossible is nothing…

O-Opportunities…To learn new lessons in life, to prove my mettle, to be myself...

P-Post Graduation…When in class 9^th,I was asked by my class teacher about my career choice…I had promptly answered…MBA…without really knowing what all it entails…Year 2010…I now know…

Q- Quest for excellence

R- Restlessness…A new city, new job, new people, new set of expectations which people had from me and I had from myself…

S-Salary…The happiness and the sense of ecstasy I felt on 29^th March 2010, when I got my first salary…I called up my mom and said the utterly clichéd words…”MAA MERI PEHLI KAMAAI” but it felt great…

T-Tears…Leaving college, missing home, not finding a house in the new city, stupid mistakes at work, a pat of appreciation…the reasons have been many, the reasons have been silly, there have been no reasons at all…

U-Udaoing money…One of the highlights of getting into a job is that you can fulfill some of your latent desires which you had suppressed within your heart because you thought it wouldn’t be nice to ask for money from your parents. Well yes, this year allowed me this luxury.

V- Victory…Over some of my fears, my insecurities and my inhibitions…

W-Weekends…After putting in hours of hard work on the hectic weekdays…weekends were meant to chill out…can count on fingers the numbers of weekends that I have spent at home..coz there haven’t been many…weekends have been time for exploring Mumbai, meeting friends, visiting relatives…in short completely unwinding…

X- Xercise…Tried doing it lots of times at varied times of the year…more in my thoughts than in reality…

Y- Yaadein…The year gone by has given me memories which I will treasure till my last breath…

Z-Zindagi milegi na dobara attitude…This year has reiterated the fact that life is worth living every moment, relish both the ups and the downs and get going…So, I have lived each day of 2010 to the fullest whether it has given me a kick or kicked me…and plan to do the same in the year to come…Cheers to 2011…

If ever I loved a guy…I’ll let him know as time would go by….

You are the one I love….the only one I love….

Love you like the flowers love dew...Love you like the spring loves hue….

Love you like the stars love the sky….But only if ever I loved a guy….

When the winter winds would become a little crisper…

I’ll utter to him in a careless whisper…..

Love’s not a season that comes and goes….Love’s not a candle that flickers when the wind blows…

Love’s like the raindrop which hugs you when you cry….But only if ever I loved a guy….

When the world would appear to be a noisome herd….I’ll hold his hand and not utter a word…

Love in my eyes would sing a song….love in his eyes will guess before it’s too long….

Love in this silence would make me sigh…But only if ever I loved a guy….

Moving on....

16th Feb 2008…Evening 4.30…I open the envelope in my hand…and typed are the words I wanted to see…IBS HYDERABAD. Yes I had got selected I and had to join the institute in a couple of months time.

I gulped down a concoction of emotions in the next few days…happiness, excitement, satisfaction, fear,uncertainity,sadness…all of it was a part of me. On the one hand I was going to chase the dream I had cherished for years, take charge of my life in a new city but on the other hand this meant leaving my safe abode, leaving my family.

I tried to make each and every moment of those few days in Lucknow special. I wanted to absorb each and every conversation, each and every piece of advice, each and every smile, each and every blessing and each and every tear. It was a strange phase of life. The ocean of opportunities was in front of me and I wanted to spread my wings and ride the waves but there were moments when I suddenly seem to have developed agoraphobia.

28^th April 2008…Early morning 6 o clock…The day had finally come. My bags were packed and I was ready to go. I braced myself, made a promise that I will turn the tides in my favor and will make the most of the times ahead. A true Cancerian that I am, it doesn’t take time for tears to dwell in my eyes, but strangely on the railway station I had put an unusually strong façade while bidding goodbyes to my family and friends. But it just took a minute to shatter this strong mould. A warm hug to my lil sister and she burst into tears saying I’ll miss you….never in my life had I seen her cry like that..(not even at times when the poor thing got beaten up by me when we fought). The goodbye was difficult….more than what I had expected it to be. The burgeoning up of the emotions desperately needed a vent and as usual I had my face under the blanket and cried my heart out in the train.

30^th April 2008…Morning 9 o clock…Like they show in movies..I put my first step in the premises of the college and sudden chill ran through me. So this was it….my home away from home. After completing all the formalities and setting up my new room in the hostel when it was time for my dad to leave; that is when the sudden realization dawned that I was all by myself now. The glint of tears in his eyes melted my heart but also filled me with a new zest for achievement; I just couldn’t let them down.

100 acres of land…a sprawling campus…900 new faces…all chasing their dreams and trying to hold on to themselves in this new place.

First few nights in that new place were scary and I practically cried myself to sleep each night. But then things began to settle down. The uncertainty was replaced with a sense of direction; the void was filled with the laughter of friends I had made. I was slowly taking charge of my own life, taking decisions on my own-sometimes right and sometimes wrong and had started living life. There were times when I felt like giving up,there were times when I desperately needed a hug and a pillow was the only thing I had, there were times when I felt that life is unfair but isn't life a bouquet of these times?

Present day…Morning 10.30…it’s been over 2 and half years I am out of home. I have finished my MBA and m happily working for more than 6 months now and the only thing I can say is that life is good.

I still have days when my heart cries out, days when I feel terribly homesick, days when I need my mommy’s lap to put my head on, days when I want to pillow fight with my sister. All said and done I know that I have taken charge of my life, have matured enough to take decisions and to fight the odds. I am finally out of the shell and ready to face the odds.

What keeps me going? The strength and support that I get from my family and friends. If it was not for them, I wouldn’t have been able to tide through this.

In the end as filmy as it may sound…I am adding life to days and not days to life….Cheers to life…J

something i had penned wen i was in class 11th...dnt even remember why i was upset...

The solitary journey….

As I tread on the path of life, so lonely, fatigued, sequestered I feel

Never before had I felt so somber and melancholic, so devoid of excitement and zeal

I just see and endless road, tranquil and desolate, no one by my side, no friend no mate

I have no idea where my destination is, still I walk on an on with a steady gait

Where are the sun moon and the stars, where are the trees, mountains and the flowers

There’s just darkness and mist sparse

In my little heart I keep thoughts buried deep very deep

Thoughts too deep to be expressed and too strong to be suppressed

I hear a strange melancholic sound, the thoughts weep that my heart will be their burial ground

They try incessantly and search for a vent, my heart is in turmoil and I sit down to lament

Alone I had come and alone I’d go, life is a solitary journey this life will show

My thoughts with myself I share, because the world is so lonely with no one to care.

My eyes become wet when I think of this solitude; do I have no mate, no friend in this multitude?

The vent for my thoughts was possibly my eyes; the thoughts have found a way out as my heart cries…

I live the poetry that I cannot write…..

Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these….to undo whatever has been done…to redefine what has been captured in the parenthesis of definition and to create magic with thoughts buried deep, very deep within your heart….thoughts that are too deep to be expressed but too strong to be suppressed.

That is poetry for me…..

It’s not just a theme, the rhyme scheme and with a dash of the dictionary….it’s far more abstract and abstruse.

People read the words and may find the writings very simplistic and easily comprehendible. What however they fail to capture is the feel behind the word; the myriad of thoughts that chain the mind before that one perfect word is penned... the one word that breaks the shackles of oblivion and finds its path to glory.

What people don’t see is the escape that the mind wants to make from the reality and dwell momentarily in a world of its own, where it is supreme, where it is asked no questions, where it is not supposed to be subservient to rationale.

Having said all that I still believe that poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them. The ecstasy, the gloom, the fear, the anger has to be lived and experienced. Language is too shallow a platform to replicate the same. When I write I realize, I understand what each word means but you cannot. On a macrocosmic level you will, because you are armed with the tool of knowledge but my dear friend, the microcosm is unfathomable. Words become too less, phrases become too mechanical to chalk my escape from emotion.

Therefore, I live the poetry that I cannot write….

Just as Vincent van Gogh once said….

“Poetry surrounds us everywhere, but putting it on paper is, alas, not as easy as looking at it.”